VeganMoFo V: MMMS-Saved

It's here!  My favorite Mandy Moore movie is here!  If you've never seen Saved, stop what you're doing and rent it today!  It's seriously amazing.  Dark comedy.  Religious fanaticism.  Heavenly ordained premarital sex.  I loves it!  Mandy plays a total jerkface named Hillary Faye.  She's this super hypocritical religious person, head of the Christian Jewels.  There's a lot going on in this: teenage pregnancy, Love Won Out type anti-gay camps, and the most effed up underwater Jesus vision ever.

Naturally, I wanted to make food that looks innocent, but is really not.  The only things innocent about this menu are the peas and carrots.

this meal ain't free.  read this pamphlet while you wait.

Collection Plate Special

Berbere Coconut Crusted Tofu

Smashed Potatoes and Beer Gravy

Peas 'n' Carrots

Fish Tank Jello Shot

mmm.  coconut tofu.

There are no recipes here, as I just threw things together.  The tofu had three dipping thingies: cornstarch, berbere, garlic pepper, poultry seasoning, thyme AND milk, whole grain mustard, berbere, hot sauce AND shredded coconut and nooch.  It was pretty damn good.  The potatoes are covered in beer gravy, but I accidentally grabbed a dark beer that I hate.  So...blech.  The peas and carrots are tossed with some dill and parsley.

there's a fish in there!

A character in the movie says that Jesus appeared to her in her fish tank.  You'll be seeing visions, too, if you down this lethal shot.  I really wish the jello shot wasn't so opaque.  Next time, I'm adding the smallest drop of food coloring.  I will definitely tweak this because 1 to 1 ratio of juice to alcohol is way too strong for me.  However, I'll share it because every recipe I saw online used too much damn agar powder.  These came out gel like.

Fish Tank Jello Shot
1 cup pineapple juice
2 Tbsp sugar
¾ tsp agar powder (not flakes)
1 cup flavored vodka or rum (coconut, passion fruit, or mango are great)
blue food coloring
Swedish fish

Combine the pineapple juice, sugar, and agar in a medium saucepan.  Heat over medium until the agar has been activated, no longer than 5 minutes.  You'll know this has happened when the mixture starts boiling and thickens slightly.  Remove from heat, and stir in the alcohol.  Add a couple of drops food coloring.  Fill each cup with a Swedish fish, and pour the mixture over them.  Let cool to room temperature before refrigerating.

Be sure to use right away because the Swedish fish turns to goo after about a day.  Next time, I'm totally just putting the fish on top, maybe with whipped cream!